Tag Archives: relationships

Create Better Relationships – Pt 3 : Behaviour

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In this post we will look at how to create better relationships by paying attention to the behaviours that trigger you and negatively impact your relationships.

Firstly let me remind you that this is a third vital key to creating better relationships, the   previous two posts  looked at two other vital keys  –  Trust and Mindset

The behaviour is not the person

behaviour file0001286848815This week I was with a colleague who was in a lot of physical pain and feeling stressed. When I asked how she was she said she was OK and did not want to dwell on her situation. Half way through our meeting she got very irritated, I reacted defensively and left the meeting feeling frustrated with my colleague.

On reflection I realised that I had not managed my self well. I had reacted to her behaviour. I had failed to remind myself of the vital distinction – The behaviour is not the person. I had failed to see the person, my colleague, in this situation and see her as a kind soul who was doing the best she could while in a lot of pain and stress.

I realised that if I had stayed in my heart and been more attentive, I would have made the distinction. I would have seen my colleague for who she is and her behaviour would not have triggered me as much. I would have been less defensive and more supportive and we would have parted company in a much better way.

Often behaviours communicate a lot and you need to pay attention to them. Some people find it difficult to say how they are, for example when in pain or stress or feeling incompetent, and it is their behaviours rather than their words that tell us how they really are.

When you are triggered by someone’s behaviour do not ignore it.

Look beneath the behaviour for the person and make a distinction, distinguish between the person and the behaviour. See that the person has vulnerabilities just like you. By paying attention and really seeing the vulnerable person it is often easier to accept the behaviour and be present with that person.

By being more present and compassionate you create better relationships.

Your Call to Action

When you are triggered by the behaviours of others and find yourself in a place you do not want to be, it is time to review your own response and/or behaviour.  It is time to separate the person from the behaviour; time to pay attention and open your heart, truly serve your self and others. When you do this you build deeper more honest relationships.

Are you being triggered by someone’s behaviour – perhaps that of a family member, or a colleague, or friend? If you want a better relationship how could you respond differently the next time you experience the behaviour?

Take a moment now to imagine what it might look, sound and feel like. Imagine how the relationship might improve when you are coming from your heart and your true self.

I’d love to hear what you’re taking away from this post;  also what you are discovering about your triggers and their impact on your relationships…remember to write your comments below!

And if you are struggling with this question or wanting support to create better relationships in your personal and professional life why not get in touch. I am passionate about helping you find your true success through deeply connecting and being your true self.

To read the entire series click the following links:

Create Better Relationships – Part 1: Trust

Create Better Relationships – Part 2: Mindset

Create Better Relationships – Part 3: Behaviour

Create Better Relationships – Part 2 : Mindset

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Today we’re going to be talking about mindset and creating relationships. Firstly let me remind you that my last post was about creating trust in relationships and if you missed it you may want to read it either now or later.

If you read the last post about trusting in relationships, what have you noticed over the past few days? Are you more trusting? If you are, well done! If you are not, what might you do today to trust more?

Does your mindset make or break your relationships?

mindset beauty ile0001736930101An empowering mindset supports you in being your true self in your relationships; without it you will not be seen by others, not realise your true potential and not live vibrantly.

Your mindset is shaped by your beliefs, a belief that says it is safe to be your true self and open hearted is critical if you are going to have more rewarding relationships.

Why is this? When your mindset (beliefs) support you in believing that you are fully accepted when you are your true self, you have self worth, speak your deep truth, ask for what you really want and live your values. When this happens you are open hearted, confident, and more easily understood by others and your relationships reflect this.

When your mindset (beliefs) are not supportive and create doubts and fears (for example the fear of being judged, or isolated, or rejected), your self worth, behaviour and inter-personal relationships are affected.  For example you hide or deny your true self; you stay small in your relationships; you find yourself being moulded by others as you please them rather than yourself.

Far better for you to hold an empowering mindset, a mindset that supports you in being your true self while in relationships.

Your Call to Action

Take a moment now to examine your mindset and ensure that it is supporting you in being in your truth and having the relationships you really want.

In your relationships are you holding back or disguising your true self because your mindset is not supporting you? What has to happen before you improve your mindset?

If you want to be in your truth and create better relationships, how could you fine tune your mindset so it would support you even more?

 If you are struggling with these questions or wanting support to create a better mindset why not get in touch. I am passionate about helping you make new connections, find your true success through being your true self.

And look out for pt 3 of Create Better Relationships; in this next post I will be inviting you to look at the person behind the behaviours that trigger you.

 

 

 

 

Create Better Relationships – Part 1 : Trust

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Trust is critical

SONY DSCIf you are going to build satisfying professional and personal relationships you must trust each other. Without trust you disguise your true self, you withhold part of your self and you constrict the relationship you are in. Consequently there is less connection in your relationship and you are less understood. At work this can damage your effectiveness and comes with a cost; at home this can cause you to grow apart…again there is a cost.

So why do you not trust the other person?
It may be for one of a number of reasons:

  • It may be about the other person; she/he may not respect you , has abused or bulleyed you, spoken about you behind your back, is not honest with you
  • Or it may be about yourself and your lack of trust; you may have perceived fears eg. You fear being judged if you reveal who you truly are; you fear that if you are honest the other will use your weaknesses against you.

How much you trust another person is your choice and you have to use your discretion. The important thing to remember is that the more you withdraw and withhold your true self, the less connection and relationship there will be with the other. Over time a relationship that lacks trust is likely to wither and die.

When you want to improve a relationship one of the first things to address is trust. You need to ask yourself – If I was to trust more and show more of my true self, would it improve my relationship with this person?

If your answer to the above question is ‘yes’, the next question is – How might I be more trusting, more in my truth, in this relationship? What action do I need to take now?

If your answer to the above question is ‘no’, and you want (or need) to stay in the relationship the next question is – How do I maintain this relationship without damaging my true self?

Do let me know how you go with these questions…share your thoughts in the comment box below.

Your Call to Action

Review your significant relationships now. Look at each of them honestly. If you would like to improve any of them ask yourself the questions highlighted above.

And come back next week for the second (2nd) part of the Create Better Relationships series, we will look at Behaviours as Triggers.

And if you are struggling with trust in your relationships or wanting support why not get in touch, I would love to help you to create more fulfilling relationships while being your true self.

7 Key Ways to Create Better Relationships

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Create Better Professional and Personal Relationships

When you are withholding or disguising your true self, your truth, your relationships do not flourish. You do not connect fully and consequently you do not feel seen or heard, you then feel isolated and unsupported. And this may very well occur in both your professional and personal relationships.
PartnershipSo how do you create great relationships in your professional and personal lives?
It happens when you are prepared to honour your truth, rather than disguise or hide it. You are in integrity, proud to honour who you are, your true self. You are open-hearted and want to connect honestly with others.
You consciously choose who you want to be in relationship with; you are not afraid to walk away from people who disguise their true selves and do not communicate openly and honestly with you.

7 Key Ways to Honour Your Truth and Create Better relationships:

1. Set the intention that you want; you manifest what you focus on and put energy into
2. Stay present and connected; do not get distracted when you are communicating with others
3. See the good, the soul, in others; realise the behaviour you see is not always the true self
4. Trust; without trust meaningful relationships are impossible
5. Discriminate; you do not need to be in a relationship with everyone
6. Connect to Spirit/Source; know you have Spirit/Source to help you at all times
7. Make sure your mindset supports you; it is safe to be your true self and open-hearted

How do you manage to hold onto your truth and create better professional and personal relationships?

I would love to hear. Please share your tips in the comment box below.

And remember without action nothing changes.

Your Call To Action

I hope you will explore at least one of the above ways to honour your truth, in doing so I know you will create better, more satisfying, relationships.

Which way would be a stretch for you…why not play with that one this week?

And if you are struggling with this question or wanting support to create better relationships why not get in touch. I am passionate about helping you find your true success through being your true self.