In this post we will look at how to create better relationships by paying attention to the behaviours that trigger you and negatively impact your relationships.
The behaviour is not the person
This week I was with a colleague who was in a lot of physical pain and feeling stressed. When I asked how she was she said she was OK and did not want to dwell on her situation. Half way through our meeting she got very irritated, I reacted defensively and left the meeting feeling frustrated with my colleague.
On reflection I realised that I had not managed my self well. I had reacted to her behaviour. I had failed to remind myself of the vital distinction – The behaviour is not the person. I had failed to see the person, my colleague, in this situation and see her as a kind soul who was doing the best she could while in a lot of pain and stress.
I realised that if I had stayed in my heart and been more attentive, I would have made the distinction. I would have seen my colleague for who she is and her behaviour would not have triggered me as much. I would have been less defensive and more supportive and we would have parted company in a much better way.
Often behaviours communicate a lot and you need to pay attention to them. Some people find it difficult to say how they are, for example when in pain or stress or feeling incompetent, and it is their behaviours rather than their words that tell us how they really are.
When you are triggered by someone’s behaviour do not ignore it.
Look beneath the behaviour for the person and make a distinction, distinguish between the person and the behaviour. See that the person has vulnerabilities just like you. By paying attention and really seeing the vulnerable person it is often easier to accept the behaviour and be present with that person.
By being more present and compassionate you create better relationships.
Your Call to Action
When you are triggered by the behaviours of others and find yourself in a place you do not want to be, it is time to review your own response and/or behaviour. It is time to separate the person from the behaviour; time to pay attention and open your heart, truly serve your self and others. When you do this you build deeper more honest relationships.
Are you being triggered by someone’s behaviour – perhaps that of a family member, or a colleague, or friend? If you want a better relationship how could you respond differently the next time you experience the behaviour?
Take a moment now to imagine what it might look, sound and feel like. Imagine how the relationship might improve when you are coming from your heart and your true self.
I’d love to hear what you’re taking away from this post; also what you are discovering about your triggers and their impact on your relationships…remember to write your comments below!
And if you are struggling with this question or wanting support to create better relationships in your personal and professional life why not get in touch. I am passionate about helping you find your true success through deeply connecting and being your true self.
To read the entire series click the following links:
Create Better Relationships – Part 1: Trust
Create Better Relationships – Part 2: Mindset
Create Better Relationships – Part 3: Behaviour