Author Archives: Fiona Miller

Retrieve Your True Self (Part 1) – Shift from Servitude to True Service

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Happy Baby, 440x620When you are born you are more than likely your true self, you have not yet begun to adapt to your surroundings. Before long you learn that certain behaviours are effective and get you what you want, whereas others are not and are best avoided.
You, as a baby or child, learn quickly and consequently your true self begins to be modified at an early age.

True service – watch out!

There is no doubt that a proportion of the population enjoy helping and empowering others – it gives them great joy to see others succeeding in their lives. These people desire to be of service and are often drawn to the helping, healing or teaching professions.

If you are one of these people, watch out…your gifts and desires can trip you up!

Without paying attention to your well-being you can easily find that your life is spent serving everyone else but your true self. What started as a journey along a path which energised you and nourished your heart’s desires, becomes a journey that drains you and leaves your heart empty.

Your life becomes one of servitude rather than one that honours your true self and others — a life of true service.

How to recognise a life of servitude

Servitude will show up in your life in many forms as dis-empowering behaviours. These behaviours are clues and it is wise to examine them before jumping to any conclusions.

Your Call to Action

Have a good look at your life and see if you can spot any of these common clues:

  • Over responsibility
  • Need for approval
  • Your soul (or heart) is a stranger
  • Unable to ask directly
  • Feelings of resentment
  • Self talk that puts the needs of others before your own

Pay attention to them as they may point to you being in servitude rather than true service.

If you are in servitude take action and change your behaviour so you become more aligned with your true self and live a life of true service. And why not get in touch with me to explore coaching options that could support you, I’d love to hear from you.

Alternatively read chapter 1 of my recently published book, Taps on the Shoulder, how to transform unwelcome life events into your greatest gifts, you can purchase it here on my website.

Be Your True Self and Get Out of Overwhelm

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A yellow water lily in full bloomThese days it is easy to get dragged down by overwhelm and to feel stuck. When bombarded by information and requests how do you decide whether to take action or ignore them?

In this post I will introduce you to the 5 key areas that you need to embrace if you want to honour your true self, reduce overwhelm and set yourself free so you can shine brilliantly.

Yes, when you start to honour your true self and live your truth you gain clarity as to what nourishes you, and what causes overwhelm and drains you. With this knowledge you consciously make more effective decisions, and your actions support you to live more vibrantly.

And I’m sure that you, like myself, want to live more vibrantly and shine more brilliantly…am I not right?

Here are the 5 Key areas that you need to embrace if you want to honour your true self, reduce overwhelm and set yourself free:

Area 1: Self Understanding or self awareness reveals insights and prompts growth. Essential ingredients when wanting to express your true self more freely and live your truth so that you get out of overwhelm.

Area 2: Inner Resources are there in abundance to support you while you grow and step into the unknown, a place where you can honour your true self and make more effective decisions. Decisions that take you out of overwhelm and set you free.

Area 3: True Service is when you honour your true self, you are in integrity, and you help others from a place of unconditional love. When you make sure the service you offer others brings joy to your true self as well as joy to those you help, you are making conscious choices and reducing overwhelm.

Area 4: Spiritual Connection is present in your life whether you realise it or not. You are a spiritual being in a physical body. Make sure you nourish your true self and connect with Source or Spirit. Then, when you are overwhelmed or stuck and you ask for guidance, your connection to Source will support you.

Area 5: Energy Management needs to be taken seriously as without it the low energy vibration of overwhelm and feeling stuck will prevail. When you decide to raise your energy vibration you are honouring your true self and living your truth. In doing this you let go of overwhelm and enjoy living even more vibrantly.

By paying attention to the above areas you will support the full expression of your true self.

Your Next Step: Ask yourself:

“To be more true to your self and less dragged down by overwhelm which of the above 5 areas most needs your attention?”

Let this question give you insights that will help you make changes – be more of your true self and shine more brilliantly.

I am a Live Your Truth expert and I’d love to support you in more fully expressing your true self and shining more brilliantly. To learn more about being your true self and to discover whether you are living your truth go and download the free Live Your Truth Report and Assessment on my website now.

And do remember that if you’ve some comments or questions about this post share them below.

Relationship Problems Dwindle When You Honour Your True Self (Barrier 3)

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A woman looks upward and smiles as rain falls all aroundTo be your true self and to be accepted and acknowledged by others is something that you, as a heart-centred professional, have probably sought throughout your life whether you were conscious of this or not.

In this 3rd post, the third of a series of three on overcoming relationship problems, you’ll discover another of the most common barriers and a way to overcome it so that you have a deeper more satisfying relationship.

To be in relationships, both at work and home, where your actions are appreciated and acknowledged brings you joy, peace and self worth. You yearn for these supportive and acknowledging relationships but often you find that they come with a cost…am I right?

Barrier No 3: In relationships you, more than likely, initially feel appreciated and acknowledged but over time the cost becomes apparent. You realise that your need for connection and acknowledgement is driving many of your actions, you are turning into a ‘people pleaser’ and your true self is no longer getting her needs met. Furthermore when acknowledgement is not given to you by the people around you, you feel misunderstood, empty and used.

Wanting to be liked and acknowledged by others is a natural desire but desperately wanting this acknowledgement to come from others is your downfall. You are putting your happiness, well-being and self worth into the hands of others.

Conscious Connection Solution No 3: Far better to act consciously, to put your desires for acknowledgment and love into your own hands; for you to acknowledge and love your self. In this way you are not dependent on others for acknowledgement and your actions can come from a place of true giving rather than conditional giving and high need.

When you give your self the acceptance, acknowledgement and love you truly want you are nourishing your true self. Consequently, you are less needy and your relationships become more honest and deeper.

Your Next Step: Ask yourself:

“How could I make my current relationship problem a gift?”

Let your answer give you insights that will help you make changes and deepen your relationship with your self as well as others.

If you would like support to be your True Self and create better relationships do get in touch. I am a Live Your Truth expert and I’d love to support you when you want to more fully express your true self and shine more brilliantly. I’d love to hear from you.

And if you would like to leave a comment or ask a question please leave it in the box below.

Relationship Problems Dwindle When You Honour Your True Self (Barrier 2)

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Green Heart with Blue Flowers, 620x373To be your true self and have harmonious relationships is something that you, as a heart centred professional, are likely yearning for.

In this post, the 2nd of a series of 3 on overcoming relationship problems, you’ll discover another of the most common barriers and a way to overcome it so that you have a deeper more satisfying relationship.

I expect you have grown up thinking that harmonious relationships, ones where there is little or no conflict, mean that your life at home and work brings you joy rather than stress. I expect that is what you truly want and your behaviour reflects this. But is your behaviour bringing you what you really want?

Barrier No 2: Your desire to have harmony, to not rock the boat, nearly always comes with a cost and you may not be conscious of it. The cost is that you are agreeing with others when you do not deep down agree with them. The voice of your true self is denied and over time you feel resentful and long to be honoured.

There is also another cost, others do not hear the voice of your true self, they do not hear your truth, your opinions, or receive your gifts. They only get half the picture and cannot fully understand you.

“So when you are asked for your opinion do you give an honest answer?”

Or

”Do you tend to agree with others, knowing that it will keep the peace and avoid conflict?”

Conscious Connection Solution No 2: If you do the latter, want to keep the peace and avoid conflict, it may be time to be more conscious and to acknowledge this trait. Acknowledge the cost and how it is impacting your connection, relationship, with your true self and others.

Now may be the time to stop avoidance and learn to see disharmony and conflict as potentially valuable, constructive situations rather than situations to avoid.

Yes, by being able to be your true self and voice your truth in a constructive, conscious way, you will deepen your relationships and be more fully understood. Furthermore, the likelihood of having your needs met will increase too.

Your Next Step: Ask yourself:

“How could I make my current relationship problem a gift?”

Let your answer give you insights that will help you make changes and even deepen some of your relationships.

If you would like support to be your True Self and create better relationships do get in touch. I am a Live Your Truth expert and I’d love to support you when you want to more fully express your true self and shine more brilliantly. I’d love to hear from you.

And if you would like to leave a comment or ask a question please leave it in the box below.

Relationship Problems Dwindle When You Honour Your True Self (Barrier 1)

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HandshakeWhy is it that many heart-centred people struggle in their professional and personal relationships? What are the barriers that stop them from having more satisfying relationships?

In this post, and the following two, you’ll discover 3 of the most common barriers and 3 ways to overcome them so that you have deeper more satisfying relationship.

Being your true self, connecting consciously and seeking to empower those you have a relationship with is beneficial to you and to them. You are doing what you love to do, empower others, and the recipient is benefitting be increased self-confidence and self worth. Furthermore they are less likely to need you in an unhealthy way.

Everyone wins and I expect that is what you truly want…

Barrier No 1: Heart-centred people enjoy helping others and this desire results in actions that are not always appropriate. Excessive helping can over time result in the recipient feeling disempowered rather than empowered. Feeling that they cannot do something and lacking confidence, rather than being confident and taking action. Saying ‘no, they can’t’ rather than giving it a go and find an answer or a solution.

Because heart-centred people enjoy helping others they often do not stop to think about their actions until they feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Only then do they realise that their actions have created a rod for their own back. Their unconscious actions do not serve their true selves.

Conscious Connections Solution No 1: Far better to connect consciously and question your helping actions during the early stages of a relationship. One of the most effective questions to ask your self before helping someone is:

“Am I empowering or disempowering this person by taking this action?”

By paying attention to the answer you ensure that your actions nourish you and do not drain you. Furthermore your actions empower others and help you build deeper more satisfying relationships both at home and in the work-place.

By honouring your true self you stop making a rod for your own back.

Your Next Step: Ask yourself:

“How could you make your current relationship problem a gift?”

Let your answer give you insights that will help you make changes and even deepen some of your relationships.

If you would like support to be your true self and create better relationships do get in touch. I am a Live Your Truth expert and I’d love to support you when you want to more fully express your true self and shine more brilliantly. I’d love to hear from you.

And if you would like to leave a comment or ask a question please leave it in the box below.

Be Your True Self – 7 Powerful Reasons to Live Your Truth

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Sunrise represents being your true self.Do you know why honouring your true self, being in integrity and living your truth is so important to you now? And especially important if you have come to a stage in life when you want to enjoy life, contribute and perhaps even make a difference in the world.

Read on because in this post you will find 7 powerful reasons why it is best to be your true self.

Yes, listening and being guided by your heart’s quiet voice is always a good place to start when in a challenging situation. Taking the time to do this is always beneficial…it creates alignment with your true self, brings clarity and creates more ease in your life.

And that is what you are wanting now, isn’t you?

Here are 7 of the most powerful reasons:

  • Travel along a path that reflects you. A path of vibrant living where you use your gifts and contribute in a way that energises you. A path where you feel alive, optimistic and joyful; and you shine brilliantly from within.
  • Enjoy true success. Experience success that is meaningful to you as it is based on your deep truth and celebrates your True Self. This success is lasting and brings joy to the heart.
  • Reduce the number of challenging and stressful situations. These unwelcome situations, taps on the shoulder, that arise more frequently when you are not in integrity and choosing to be someone you are not.
  • Embrace a more meaningful and fulfilling life. A life that aligns with your values and gifts, and honours your ideals. A life where your unique contribution brings light to the planet and/or humanity.
  • Enjoy standing tall and making an impact. As you claim what you feel strongly about your message is both clearer and more impactful, and people pay attention.
  • Become more decisive. Decision-making becomes easier as you gain clarity through honouring your true self. You are no longer tempted to sit on the fence or change your mind to please others.
  • Deeper more intimate relationships. Relationships where you honour your true self and are more open and honest. Consequently you are more understood and more likely to get your needs met.

So now you have 7 powerful reasons to be your true self and I am sure you can think of more. Do share them in the box below.
Now, take your next step consciously, ask yourself:

“How can you more fully express your true self and reap even more of the benefits?”

Let this question give you insights that will help you make changes and deepen your connection and relationship with your self as well as others.

I am a Live Your Truth expert and I’d love to support you in more fully expressing your true self and shining more brilliantly. If you would like support to deepen your connection and relationship with your self as well as others, do get in touch. I’d love to hear from you.

And if you would like to leave a comment or ask a question please leave it in the box below.

Be Your True Self and Create More Clarity in Your Life– part 2

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Being your true self is always best. It brings clarity and decisiveness.  It stops you from

clarity and decisiveness

Be Your True Self

 

being out of integrity, going round and round in circles and wasting time. Taking the time to get to know your true self and discard anything that is not ‘you’ is time well spent.

 

 

 

Three More Tips to Help you Be Your True Self

1 Let go of your masks. Masks hide your true self and give you a false identity that is often hard to live up to.  Often they take you to a place where you are a square peg in a round hole, not a place you want to be if you want integrity and ease in your life.

What are the masks that are stopping you from being fully seen and easily understood? What is stopping you from taking them off now?

2 Remove self doubt. Self doubt is generally seeded by the ego mind, the part of you that is protective and if listened to will hold you back. Self doubt is not an attribute of the true self and it needs to be replaced by self acceptance and self confidence, attributes of the true self. With self acceptance and self confidence it is always easier to move forward with clarity and decisiveness.

What small step could you take now and replace self doubt with self acceptance and self confidence?

3 Ensure your values guide your important decisions. Your values are what you truly value and when your values are reflected in your decisions you are being your true self, you are living your truth. By honouring your values you always gain clarity and decisiveness.

What has to happen to ensure that your values are always considered when you make important decisions?

Without action nothing happens…

 Once you have answered the above questions and gained insights take action, change never happens without desire, intention and action.

If you are not taking action ask yourself:

  • What is stopping me from taking action now?
  • If I really want to be my true self and move forward with clarity and decisiveness, what kind of support do I need?
  • What is stopping me from getting that support now?

Perhaps it is time to be willing to ask for some assistance. To have the courage to admit that you are not being the person you truly want to be. That being your true self, stepping forward with clarity and confidence is not easy.

If you would like some assistance you might benefit from hiring a coach who, like myself, is passionate about helping you find your true success through being your true self. Do get in touch.

Before you go let me hear your thoughts or questions on this post…please leave them in the comment box below.

 

 

Be Your True Self and Create More Clarity in Your Life– part 1

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free morgefile000451486001Being your true self is always best.

It brings clarity and decisiveness. It stops you from being out of integrity, going round and round in circles wondering what to do and wasting time.

Take the time to get to know your true self and discard anything that is not ‘you’ is time well spent.

When you do this and honour who you really are  you have clarity. You can stand tall and be visible. You have inner strength and your radiance shines from within.

Three Tips to Help you Be Your True Self

1. Make time for your True Self. Stop the busyness. When you are busy it is easy to deny how you are really feeling and what truly matters to you. It stops you from attending to your heart-felt desires and being your true self

What would it take for you to daily create a time for solitude and stillness in your life?

2. Listen to your feelings. Your feelings are telling you something. Treasure your feelings, such as joy, anxiety, confusion or loss, as if they were precious gifts that need to be accepted, opened and explored. The messages that they reveal will help you to become more aligned with your True Self.

If this gift could talk what would it be telling you?

3. Care for your Soul. Nourish your True Self, your soul, by doing what she truly desires, perhaps painting, walking on the beach or meditating.  When you nourish your soul you feel more connected to your heart and have more energy; you are more able to be your true self, life begins to flow and there is more joy and ease in your life.

What does your soul desire? What is stopping you from nourishing your soul now?

 Without action nothing happens…

Once you have answered the above questions and gained insights that will help you to be more aligned to your true self, take action. Remember, transformation or change never happen without desire, intention and action.

If you are not taking action ask yourself:

  • What is stopping me from taking action now?
  • If I really want to be my true self and move forward with ease, what kind of support do I need?
  • What is stopping me from getting that support now?

Perhaps it is time to be willing to ask for some assistance. To have the courage to admit that you are not being the person you truly want to be. And that stepping into integrity with clarity and confidence is not easy.

If you would like some assistance you might benefit from hiring a coach who, like myself, is passionate about helping you find your true success through being your true self. I look forward to hearing from you, do get in touch..

I’ll be back soon with another three tips to help you be your True Self.

I’d love your input. Before you go let me hear your thoughts or questions on this post…please leave them in the comment box below.

 

How do you keep optimistic?

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boat race optimismCan the New Zealand yacht team keep optimistic? Each day for the past six days the Kiwi team has been on the verge of winning the America’s Cup…the pinnacle of yacht racing achievements.

For the past week the team has lost the ‘win’ that they so much desire. Tomorrow they will again meet the challenger, Oracle, who has won the last five races. Will the Kiwis’ luck return? Will their skills, inner resources and team work bring them that final ‘win’ or will they lose out and come back empty handed?

Seeing the yachtsmen compete every day and lose has made me curious :

How do you keep optimistic when you continue to lose?’

Inner resources are always one of the key elements when it comes to maintaining optimism, motivation and focus. So when thinking about the team that is currently sailing in the America’s Cup, which inner resources are crucial at this time?

When feeling stuck and seeing ‘not winning’ disappearing over the horizon the inner resources you and your team might want to summon are:

1. Inner calm – to replace frustration and stress
2. Patience
3. Faith – inner confidence that all will come right
4. Curiosity – to discover why what you are doing right now is not working
5. Inner strength – courage to do something different and step into the unknown
6. Self love and self acceptance – to quieten the ego mind
7. Desire – a 100% alignment with your values so you are 100% committed
8. Intuition – your sixth sense
9. Trust – to help tap and use the wisdom of yourself, others and Source/Spirit
10. Creativity – to help co-create another way.

Would you agree? What other inner resources might be valuable?

Key take-away…
Being optimistic comes easier to some than others. Whatever your disposition it is a way of thinking that can be learned. To discover how read Learned Optimism by Marin Seligman.

Yes, your inner resources are always critical and they are always there waiting to be tapped. Practice using them and you will gain confidence and feel stronger when faced with challenging situations.

What inner resources would you want to summon if you were seeing a win disappearing over the horizon?

Take a moment now and imagine a situation where you are not winning or performing as well as you had hoped. Now imagine yourself being in integrity, tapping your inner resources and being more powerful in this imagined situation. Take a moment to notice how much better you feel.

If you are struggling with this question or wanting support you might benefit from hiring a coach.I am  passionate about helping you find your true success through being your true self and tapping your inner resources. Get in touch with me here.

And I’d love to hear your thoughts on the above post, please leave them in the comment box below.

Create Better Relationships – Pt 3 : Behaviour

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In this post we will look at how to create better relationships by paying attention to the behaviours that trigger you and negatively impact your relationships.

Firstly let me remind you that this is a third vital key to creating better relationships, the   previous two posts  looked at two other vital keys  –  Trust and Mindset

The behaviour is not the person

behaviour file0001286848815This week I was with a colleague who was in a lot of physical pain and feeling stressed. When I asked how she was she said she was OK and did not want to dwell on her situation. Half way through our meeting she got very irritated, I reacted defensively and left the meeting feeling frustrated with my colleague.

On reflection I realised that I had not managed my self well. I had reacted to her behaviour. I had failed to remind myself of the vital distinction – The behaviour is not the person. I had failed to see the person, my colleague, in this situation and see her as a kind soul who was doing the best she could while in a lot of pain and stress.

I realised that if I had stayed in my heart and been more attentive, I would have made the distinction. I would have seen my colleague for who she is and her behaviour would not have triggered me as much. I would have been less defensive and more supportive and we would have parted company in a much better way.

Often behaviours communicate a lot and you need to pay attention to them. Some people find it difficult to say how they are, for example when in pain or stress or feeling incompetent, and it is their behaviours rather than their words that tell us how they really are.

When you are triggered by someone’s behaviour do not ignore it.

Look beneath the behaviour for the person and make a distinction, distinguish between the person and the behaviour. See that the person has vulnerabilities just like you. By paying attention and really seeing the vulnerable person it is often easier to accept the behaviour and be present with that person.

By being more present and compassionate you create better relationships.

Your Call to Action

When you are triggered by the behaviours of others and find yourself in a place you do not want to be, it is time to review your own response and/or behaviour.  It is time to separate the person from the behaviour; time to pay attention and open your heart, truly serve your self and others. When you do this you build deeper more honest relationships.

Are you being triggered by someone’s behaviour – perhaps that of a family member, or a colleague, or friend? If you want a better relationship how could you respond differently the next time you experience the behaviour?

Take a moment now to imagine what it might look, sound and feel like. Imagine how the relationship might improve when you are coming from your heart and your true self.

I’d love to hear what you’re taking away from this post;  also what you are discovering about your triggers and their impact on your relationships…remember to write your comments below!

And if you are struggling with this question or wanting support to create better relationships in your personal and professional life why not get in touch. I am passionate about helping you find your true success through deeply connecting and being your true self.

To read the entire series click the following links:

Create Better Relationships – Part 1: Trust

Create Better Relationships – Part 2: Mindset

Create Better Relationships – Part 3: Behaviour